Some people think I'm not an animal lover. Just because I was traumatised for life by a one eyed greyhound chasing me on my bike when I was five doesn't mean that I'm an animal hater - although what that cyclops greyhound was doing on my bike is another matter.
No, I got over being chased by that beast when I was about fifteen and gradually started to warm towards animals until I was attacked by an Alsatian on the way to church. He did drop his bible before pouncing.
When we got married we had tropical fish and the kids even had a hamster and some goldfish when they were growing up so we didn't deprive them of the joys of pet ownership.
Here in our new home town almost everybody has a dog and we felt a bit left out. So we thought long and hard about it. Dogs can be good company. They can bring happiness. They can encourage you to exercise. They can help social interaction. But if you spend lots of time travelling they can be a bit of a bind. They can also scratch things and, after investing a small fortune in doing the house up, that's not exactly ideal.
So we've come up with the perfect solution. It doesn't need feeding. There's no poo to pick up. It runs happily around the garden. It doesn't make any noise and, to top it all, it keeps the lawn looking tidy. Here it is.
All we need now is a name. Any suggestions?