Misty Monday

I'm writing this from our mist shrouded caravan from which we can now see some of our neighbours' pitches although earlier in the day we were pretty well engulfed. Which was actually quite nice in a sort of spooky, wintry, bonfire night  sort of feeling. Especially as we are amongst the only ones foolhardy enough to be on a caravan break in Scotland in the last few weeks of the year and have the site to ourselves. Having said that it has actually been a pretty good little vacation and shows how St Andrews is very much a year round holiday destination.

This was the sunrise that met us on our first morning at The Old Course Hotel where we spent a pleasant three nights last week having committed to a bargain break before we bought the caravan. It's a fabulous hotel and should always be the first choice for anyone thinking of staying here. It's not that the rooms are any nicer than any of the hundreds of hotel rooms available in St Andrews (although they are very good) it's just that the staff go out of their way to make sure that the guests enjoy themselves and there are always plenty of personal touches that make you feel an individual despite being one of many, many residents.

And, apart from today's fog, we've enjoyed some pretty fine late autumn Scottish weather which allowed us to try The Old Course's rooftop spa. Not bad for November on the North Sea Coast.

I've managed to find myself hundreds of acres of land to use my metal detector on but, when confronted with fields this size and only an hour or two to spare it's a bit like looking for a needle in a haystack and, so far, I haven't found any fields of gold. I've got more fields than I could ever search properly in a month of detecting so I am going to have to narrow down my search criteria to those that have some sort of historic connection next time we come here.

Today we had a marathon cycle ride. Well more than a marathon as I reckon that we managed to cycle approximately thirty miles. We rode down from the caravan site into St Andrews and then along the coastal path to Leuchars and into the Tentsmuir forest  (above) which was beautiful in the autumn colours which we saw in the occasional gap in the fog. From Tentsmuir we headed into Tayport for a quick lunch before heading back to St Andrews and a quick visit to see Sarah, Duncan and Rose. We've got four or five days left here before we have to close the caravan down for the winter. We're really going to miss it.

And we are really going to miss our granddaughter Rose who will be six months old before we see her again. This retirement lark seems to be flying by.

Countdown To Sorority Girls

Regular readers of this blog (yes they do exist - hello Mum), will be aware that our son and daughter in law both work in developing TV shows. Every time a new one hits our screens we get nervous for them hoping that the show will be a smash hit and nobody will write anything nasty about it on the internet ( fat chance - see yesterday's blog about Trip Advisor). Anyway this time it's Josephine in the limelight. Fresh from her success with the lovely Holding Out For A Hero, her new baby Sorority Girls launches next Tuesday on E4 at 9pm. As an ex sorority girl herself, Josephine came up with the idea of introducing the concept to British students, went on to develop the format and then spent the last few months working flat out on bringing it to our screens. She deserves a massive success having put 100% into the project and, as you can see from the trailer at the end of today's blog, it looks like being great entertainment. We'll be having our usual little party at home to celebrate and a joint Holding Out For A Hero and Sorority Girls do is arranged for early December, the first date that our friends can make it. Can't wait. In the meantime we've got it set on series link on the Sky and Freeview boxes at home and in the caravan.

We're up in St Andrews at the moment and spending some time with our daughter Sarah and our granddaughter Rose who is now almost four months old. On Halloween she was wearing this fabulous outfit that Paul and Josephine bought her and today we took her to Edinburgh on the train. She was absolutely perfect.


When we got back to the super Old Course Hotel we were tired and had a soak in the enormous bath with a couple of glasses and, to add to the romance, Sunday's Archers Omnibus on podcast - the joys of growing old.


I'll leave you with that trailer.

I've Got A Confession

After watching that documentary "Attack of the trip advisers" on Channel 4 last night I'm a little embarrassed to admit this but (ahemm assumes sotto voce) I have been known to post the odd review on the site. Ok so I have only posted three in the past five years during which time we have eaten at many scores of restaurants and stayed at plenty of hotels. So why have I not written 200 reviews like the site members showcased last night? Well basically I've only written one when I have been so impressed by a hotel or restaurant that I wanted to give them just a little bit more than my custom and sing their praises to the heavens (or the internet at least). So I've only written three five star reviews - all in my own name without hiding behind the anonymity of a user name. That's not to say that I haven't eaten at plenty more restaurants and stayed at plenty of hotels that were also worthy of five stars (I am writing this now from the lovely Old Course Hotel in St Andrews which is definitely a five star location) but those three were just a little bit special and worth me going to the trouble of saying so on line.   


After watching the reviewers in the documentary I question their sanity. I suspect that the film makers wanted to play this one for laughs as, although the programme was predicated on a serious issue (the damage being done to some businesses in the hospitality trade), the examples used were Fawltyesque caterers and nit picking customers including one who went on holiday with his grandma and put hidden dots on the sheets to check if they were being changed daily (do you change your sheets daily at home?) - even his nan who claimed to love her grandson dearly did not think that being served gin and tonic instead of gin and lemonade was worthy of being broadcast to the whole of cyberspace. I have to admit that I often use Trip Advisor before deciding upon a hotel but both Marion and I tend to ignore the reviews that are so obviously out of kilter with the general tone of other reviewers and I would advise you to do the same.


In the meantime if you want a few recommendations from us try Locanda Cipriani in Torcello, Villa Cipriani in Asolo, Chapel Cottage and the Sun Inn in Kirkby Lonsdale, Northcote Manor near Whalley, The Peat Inn near St Andrews, Mint Hotel in Manchester, The Old Course in St Andrews, The Freemasons Wiswell, Cicchetti Manchester, Ile De Re Holiday Homes, Bistrot Marin St Martin Ile De Re, La Route Du Sel in Loix, Le Lodge Kerisper in Trinite-Sur-Mer and The Lazy Fish near Cockermouth. We can recommend all of these from recent experience. 


We once had an experience at an inn in Derbyshire (which has since changed hands so it will remain nameless) that would have merited zero stars on Trip Advisor. When we complained that there was no hot water to bathe our very young children, the manager came up to the room with a bucket of it. Another one that would have made a good TA review was a farmhouse hotel in Eire that my brother and I once booked for a fishing trip. The  proprietor welcomed us with the unforgettable words "Welcome lads. I've been to the butchers and bought a wonderful piece of beef for yers...................and I've minced it."

On Skippy Dies And The Hunt For A Decent Comic Novel

I'm a bit of a lazy so and so when it comes to choosing books and, as Marion has such brilliant literary taste, I tend to simply read what she's bought - I'm rarely disappointed. This is even easier now that we both have Kindles and we can read the same books at the same time. But just before we headed up to the caravan on Saturday I decided to pop into Waterstones in Liverpool and choose some reading for the long dark hours in St Andrews. I made a list after looking at the covers from a wide range and then went home and downloaded them onto the Kindle (sorry Waterstones but at least you sold me a panini and a cup of coffee).  I wanted something that might make me laugh so I chose The Rotters Club by Jonathan Coe, Rabbit Run by John Updike and Skippy Dies by Paul Murray. In addition I picked a few that were not for laughs and bought Pigeon English and The Slap because both are best sellers and have some critical acclaim.


I finished The Rotters Club pretty quickly. It was a well written novel about adolescence interwoven with seventies nostalgia and Trade Union politics. I enjoyed it although it did not provide the laughs suggested by the cover. Skippy Dies took far longer to read and it was almost a week before I finished it today. The Kindle version does not have page numbers but the percentage bar at the bottom of the screen kept telling me I was far from finished and I just read that it runs to almost 700 pages in paperback. I feel somewhat exhausted and a little let down as, yet again, despite being well (nay brilliantly) written, I failed to find the humour proclaimed on the back cover. Set in a posh Catholic boys school in Dublin there is plenty of scope for adolescent laughs but this tale of 14 year olds is simply too dark to be a comic novel and I found   myself disappointed that I have failed, yet again, to find the holy grail of a book that will make me smile. Many years ago I enjoyed Tom Sharpe's Wilt novels and, whilst I bet they are terribly dated today, they were written just for laughs. If anybody can point me in the direction of a modern equivalent, I will be very grateful - mind you I've still got the Updike to redeem my choice.

We're off to the wonderful Old Course hotel tomorrow for three nights. You may wonder why, when we have our caravan to stay in, we should up sticks and head for a luxurious five star hotel with an outstanding spa, huge comfortable rooms, deep baths and magnificent breakfasts. A mystery. But one with a logical solution. It's quite simply because many months ago, in our pre caravan owning days, the hotel tweeted an unbeatable special offer for November and I booked it. The excellent deal had a no cancellation clause so I suppose we'll just have to grin and bear it. Poor us.

My Novel

While I am up here in Scotland I hope to be putting the finishing touches to my novel. I wrote it over two years ago and then had to shelve it due to work commitments but since retiring it has been professionally critiqued for me by a leading light in publishing and I have done a rewrite taking everything he said on board. I think its quite good (apologies for the immodesty) and I am now looking at ways of self publishing it for the Kindle. I will be pleased when it is finally finished as I feel that I have learnt an awful lot about writing and can't wait to start my next one. Maybe I will try and write something that will make people laugh. 

Memory Lane

Ring Ring. Mother in law 'Hello'
Me 'Hi Mum. It's only me. Just checking you got my message on your phone about tomorrow'
MIL 'Yes John. Yes I got it.'
Me 'OK Mum. Just wanted to make sure. See you tomorrow then.'
MIL 'Hang on. Let me just check what you said. I've written it down'
Me 'OK' 
Sound of phone being put down and shuffling in background. A minute or so passes.
MIL 'You're going to pick me up at ten past nine tomorrow to take me to the clinic'
Me 'Yes that's right. See you tomorrow then. Got to dash now as we're heading for a train.'
Call ends
Thirty seconds later. 
Phone rings. Screen flashes MIL.
Call drops out.
Screen flashes. VOICE MAIL
Ring voice mail. 'You have a new message'
Message MIL 'John can you give me a ring back please?'
Phone back. Ring Ring.
MIL 'Hello'
Me 'Hi Mum. I just got your message'
MIL 'Oh. Sorry. It's just I forgot what you said about tomorrow'


In the past we might all have had a bit of a chuckle about that 'What are you like?' I might have added but the appointment in question was a visit to the local Memory Clinic and that's where we were today.


We were seen by an excellent assessor who spent well over an hour talking to Marion's mum and then finished with a questionnaire. Her response to the questions was quite staggering for us, as, although we have been aware of her struggling with her memory for some months now, this is the first time that she has  been probed over such a wide array of topics. Instead of an hour of happy reminiscences, her trip down memory lane was a ride into a series of cul de sacs and dead ends with just the odd crossroads navigated successfully.


It will be six to eight weeks before she is seen again by a consultant who will provide a diagnosis but in that time she is going to find things very hard, especially as she was unhappy with a recent trial week in a local care home and refused to stay. We will be in Scotland for the next two weeks. Fortunately she has a fair number of people who will keep an eye on her for us but we can't see much light on the horizon for her. Which is very, very sad. 


Retirement isn't always a barrel of laughs.

Gluttons For Punishment

We're true gluttons for punishment aren't we? Not content with sitting through Paranormal Activity and Paranormal Activity 2 amidst an audience of attention deficient kids and their mobiles over the last couple of years, we went to see Paranormal Activity 3 this morning - bang in the middle of half term! But hey. A salute to the 11am teenage crowd. Perhaps their daily dose of fizzy stuff or whatever it is that turns them into mindless morons hadn't kicked in and, apart from jumping out of their seats and giggling nervously during the creepy bits, which is part of the fun of this sort of movie, they were as good as gold. Hats off to them. As for the film. If you've seen one, you've seen them all but that's not to say that this one didn't have a few extra twists, like the camera fitted to a fan which panned pack and forth instead of showing the usual Paranormal Activity fixed tripod shot and allowed for the unexpected to appear err.. unexpectedly. I won't spoil it for you by giving away the plot but, if you are the sort of person who enjoys it when people jump out at you from dark corners and shout 'BOO', you'll love this.

Glen Campbell at the Liverpool Philharmonic last night was a trip down memory lane as, despite his Alzheimer's,  Glen managed to belt out a decent selection from his huge repertoire of hits. At the start of his performance I thought that I would be writing the classic Eric Morecambe line that he was playing all the right notes but not necessarily in the right order but after a shaky start he showed himself to still be something of a virtuoso on the guitar and, for me, the highlight of his playing was an excellent  duelling banjos with his daughter. The only hint that all was not quite right with Glen was the way that his family (two sons and his daughter are in his backing group) were watching him like hawks and having to adjust their tempos to keep in time with their father and his odd breaking off from a couple of romantic ballads with inappropriate laughs and asides. Although there was no attempt at making the show anything but a celebration and a happy event, watching someone who clearly lives for his music, on the verge of dementia had to be tinged with sadness. 

Fortunately no sign of dementia in my mum who is not looking bad for an eighty five year old. Seems that she's just had a photo shoot with one of our niece's friends and I found this on Facebook. We saw a couple of women of a similar age fall over in Liverpool yesterday. Fortunately there was plenty of help on hand but it demonstrated the frailty of the elderly. One of the victims sat next to us on the train home. She was 85 too and told us that she had booked her ticket and travelled to the concert on her own as well as walking the half mile or so uphill to the venue and insisting on walking back to the station despite her fall.

Before Glen, I messed up by forgetting to book a pre theatre meal near to the Phil so I used the iPhone to find an alternative and it came up with a pub in Duke St called The Monro. And very good it was too. In fact the meal was probably better than the one we would have had in our first choice, and, being over half a mile away from the show, gave us the chance to walk some of it off too. There was a great choice on the menu, the cooking was fresh and the service was very friendly if just a little slow in taking the orders. All in all good value for money at about £53 for two and a half courses, coffee, and a bottle of wine.  

Never has a film been more appropriately titled than 'We Need To Talk About Kevin' which we saw yesterday afternoon at the wonderful FACT. This is a film that you could talk about for ages as it raises so many questions. The part of the poor mother is superbly acted by Tilda Swinton and the director's use of blood red imagery which starts with the opening scene at one of those Spanish tomato throwing festivals is quite brilliant. Being someone who tends to look at things logically I found a few flaws in the plot niggled me, but this did not detract from a film that is a truly thought provoking and riveting drama. I worry a little about the publicity trailer and posters which may mislead the "Paranormal Activity" crowd into trying it as this is purely a psychological drama, violence, though extreme, is only alluded to and the monster is not a horror movie one.   

A Busy Week Beckons

We are off to St Andrews again on Saturday but we've got a pretty busy week in prospect before we head north. We brought Marion's mum back from her stay in a rest home this morning. The carers said that she coped quite well with the upheaval but she was keen to get back to her flat. So, after joining us for a bite to eat, she returned home in the afternoon. It was only a couple of hours before she telephoned and asked us to come round as she had forgotten how to turn her TV on. After a week relaxing in Kirkby Lonsdale in the safe knowledge that she was being looked after, we are now faced with more uncertainty. She's got a few medical appointments for us to take her to this week but we doubt that much can be done to improve her failing memory.

Memory loss is an early symptom of Alzhiemer's and on Tuesday we are heading to the Philharmonic  in Liverpool to see Glen Campbell (a sufferer of this awful disease) on his farewell tour. I hope that it is a joyful celebration of a life lived to the full rather than a depressing demonstration of the ravages of dementia.

As it is unlikely that we will be full of the joys of spring after going to the matinee performance of We Need To Talk About Kevin at FACT before we head to the Phil. The film is widely acclaimed as a thought provoking study of parenthood and we aren't expecting a barrel of laughs. 

The rest of the week will be taken up with a day trying to finish editing my novel, a day in London when we are visiting our investment advisors and meeting Paul and Josephine for a meal and running Marion's mum around for her appointments. The caravan in St Andrews will be a real oasis when we get there.

We went to see Contagion on Friday when we got back from Cumbria. It's a good, but not great, film about the onset of a deadly virus - a sort of bubonic plague for the twenty first century. It's quite predictable but well filmed, well acted and moves at a good pace. I have strangely found myself going almost OCD with washing my hands since we saw it.

If, like me, you are a bit fed up with all the criminality in the news, you'll be saddened to see that it's even spreading to those lovable and cute creatures - penguins.